RiverQuinn - a brand new start

[DAILY SCRIBBLES]

Sunday, November 30, 2003
I just wanted to say that I'm giving up this blog soon, as it has become obsolete and really there'sno point in writing in it when I have something else. Besides, it's really just time to move on. I guess a lot has changed since I started using this and there's no point in dwelling, is there? Bye everybody. I'd say that I'll miss you, but I doubt that it's true. Those of you who matter to me already know.
posted by Danni @ 4:15 PM

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Friday, November 21, 2003
I'm going away again tomorrow. And then when I get back I have to get ready to leave yet another time. That will be the better time in GA, I think, b/c that time I'll be going to play SOLAR. That will be good for me. I've missed playing and seeing people like Andy and Rusty and Scott and all my other friends. And Lindsey will be with us so I'll have someone I have fun with around and if we need to, we can keep and eye out for each other since it will be the first Everhate for both of us. But I'm getting off the subject. I have to leave again tomorrow. Woo-fuckin-whoo.
posted by Danni @ 5:05 PM

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Tuesday, November 11, 2003
I don't know how much longer I'm going to want to use this blog. Now that I have the new one and at least a couple of people know the addy to it, I see this as trivial and pointless. At one point I wanted to save everything I've written here, but the past is past and I think I need to let go of all that shite (sorry...reading Trainspotting). Oh, hey...who wants to get me a present? If you do, call or message me sometime (today or tomorrow if you want to be the best person in the world by getting me a very special cd before I leave on thursday) and I'll tell ya what you can be very awesome by getting me. I'm gonna have to scrounge up $15 for tomorrow, aren't I? Damn it! And I just bought a couple of cds. But stupid me didn't know the name of one of my favorite songs and didn't get the cd it was on even thought I had picked it up and looked at it. Dumb girl, aren't I? I'll find some way to get it...even if I have to tell my mom that I need something else and then end up getting the cd instead. I'll just tell her I need to buy some meth. She'll def give it to me then, right? Nah...I'll think of something. Or tell my brother to give me money for it and I'll pay him back when I get his xmas present...assuming he has $$. Of course mom's going to the bank tomorrow for him anyway, so I'll tell him to tell her to get out the cash and then when I go to the mall w/Lindsey I can stop by Soundgarden (I heart that place) and pick it up. Bwahaha...I'm so clever! I hope this plan works, otherwise I'll have to resort to whoring myself out until all the weed is out of my system so I can get a stupid job. I need some fucking money. Any rich guys in the area want to buy me stuff? Just kidding...I don't care where you live, as long as you send me cash. Nah, I'll try to get a job and be a productive citizen...or be put on SS for being to crazy to work. Please give me money someone? Grrrrrr....didn't think so.
posted by Danni @ 8:10 PM

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Tuesday, November 04, 2003
The most beautiful song in the world

Whispering Pines
If you find me in a gloom, or catch me in a dream, Inside my lonely room, there is no in between
Whispering pines, rising of the tide, If only one star shines
That's just enough to get inside, I will wait until it all goes 'round
With you in sight, the lost are found, Foghorn through the night, calling out to sea
Protect my only light, 'cause she once belonged to me, Let the waves rush in, let the seagulls cry
For if I live again, these hopes will never die, I can feel you standing there
But I don't see you anywhere, Standing by the well, wishing for the rain
Reaching for the clouds, for nothing else remains, Drifting in a daze, when evening will be done
Try looking through the haze, At an empty house in the cold, cold sun
I will wait until it all goes 'round, With you in sight, the lost are found

I love that song and I think that Dar Williams did an amazing cover of it. Of course Dar is great as it is. She's one of my favorite artists to sing along with while I'm listening to their music. (Another favorite to sing would be Tom Petty.) I just wanted to post the song here so other people can get a feel for it. Of course the words alone don't do it justice. You have to hear Dar and Cliff sing and hear the music to get the chills that this song can produce. It's kind of this beautifully haunting melody. I just adore it.

On to a couple of updates:
decided to go with the light brown for now and do the blonde next time I dye it...then possible dying it back to my original color and letting it grow out naturally for a while and make sure I get rid of all the over dyed parts so my hair can get a much needed break.

I'm slowly but surely getting ready for my trip (and I found out that my flight to GA will be on 22 of this month). So many trips in such a short time. I love it. I miss traveling all the time. If I had any money I'd go back to Europe for a while and see things and remember them better this time and take lots of pictures and bring someone to share the amazing experience with me. But I'm getting off the subject, as usual. I took care of a few more things on the list today, which only leaves 16 major things left to do. I want to do at least three things on the list, and continue working on two or three other things that take a few days to complete. At least I ordered my jacket and boots...now if only I could get that leather fetish corset...... Of course I'm still nervous, but hopefully he understands that I need things to wory about in my life and when it comes down to the moment I'm usually pretty rational about it (unless I'm having a panic attack or cycles from manic to depressed) and really almost use that fear and worry as a way to get myself geared up and ensure that I'm completely and totally prepared when I leave. I start taking care of things way in advance. From the moment I got home from the hospital I had started getting ready for this. Went out and bought all sorts of things I needed and started getting oraganized, making my lists (don't even ask how many), and all sorts of insane things. I have so much going on in my head right now that I'm glad I haven't been able to sleep lately. I have more time to do shit. And I love having everything be so busy and having goals and reasons for doing things during the day. It makes me feel productive and useful. I think I'm like my mom sometimes, taking on so many things at once. Maybe, but I like to have things busy and stressful like this. I don't know if people really understand that I need stress and chaos and bad things in my life. You spend so much time dealing with things like being abused and assalted and teased and dealing with a deranged monster dying of cancer yet still finding the strength to knock the ever living shit out of you then maybe you'd feel at home with chaos and that hectic life you put on yourself. My past explains a lot about why I am the way that I am, I suppose. I'm thinking about writing it all down sometime so that if people ever need/want to know the truth about everything in my life, then there it is in black and white for them to read. It would be an interesting change from the smutt I ususally write. And poems. And smutty poems. ;p

The thing about my poetry is that you can generally tell what poems match up with what point in my life. Maybe that's just for the people who really know everything though...I suppose that to anyone else it would just be emotions on paper. nameless, faceless, and only when the face they see there could be their own do the truely appreciate the emotions the poet poured into writing that piece. Only when they feel the same pain or joy or fear (or whatever other emotion you may find), do they understand and connect to that piece. It can get very confusing. If you don't feel that common link between yourself and what you read, you will or oft than not, dismiss the work without another thought. Maybe it's not fair, maybe I'm biased because I'm a writer. I don't know. I just hopw that every poem out there is appreciated by at least one person besides the poet. I'm done with the philosofical waxing now.
posted by Danni @ 10:31 PM

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Sunday, November 02, 2003
Three words" Slowly but surely.
posted by Danni @ 7:30 PM

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Friday, October 31, 2003
I love buying stuff...does that make me materialistic? Oh well. It makes me happy, so I don't think it matters. Of couse my love of buying stuff means that I'm going to have to suck it up and get a job ::shudder:: eventually. Or a sugar daddy...whatever comes along first. I jst bought some stuff today and I want more already...no wonder I'm poor. Shopping=happiness, so I never have money even if I'm getting cash. It's the worst now cuz I don't have much money anymore. I blame the government...and Stevo. Everything wrong in my little world should always somehow be at least partly his fault. He's my own personal scapegoat. Prick....
posted by Danni @ 1:57 AM

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Sunday, October 26, 2003
Sometimes people just annoy me. I think I'm allergic to stupidity or something cuz some people just give me a fucking headache. I have too many things to do tomorrow. I might be going to the doctor (maybe I can get something so I won't feel sick all the time), I'm finishing those forms for school, I'm getting my hair done and I have to spend lots of money. First at the store (yay for buying crap) and then if I can figure out everything about going on my little trip I need to hurry up and buy the ticket so maybe my broke ass can save a little bit of money on the whole thing.

Last night was weird. I was talking to James and as soon as I hung up I started crying. I was just so upset. I have my theories about why, but I won't go into detail. I just know that it sucked to be up until four in the morning in tears.

My head hurts right now. I want to just go to bed and stay there for a few weeks. Or maybe I just need a hug......
posted by Danni @ 5:03 PM

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